Mom meets mom
So you're at the playground, and you start chatting with another mom there. She has two kids about the ages of yours. She looks to be about your age, and she lives in your apartment complex, and she too is a stay-at-home mom with a husband who is an engineering student. She's nice. You're both new in town. All ample reasons why the two of you ought to become friends, right?
So, after running into her at story hour and the playground multiple times and repeatedly saying how you ought to get together, you are bold and make the first move: you invite her and the kids over for a play date.
It was my first such event with a relative stranger. It's the first time in a long time I've been in the position to make a new friend, from scratch, as it were. All my other friends are from high school or college or church. Not just someone I met and thought I might have something in common with. But I'm trying to conquer my shyness, so I went ahead and did it.
There's a reason why they call it a play date. It really did feel like being back in the dating scene. You're both smiling a lot and trying to get to know each other and keep a good conversation rolling, and you're wondering what the other person thinks of you. Do I look okay? Is my house clean enough?
Except the kids are there too, which is quite a complicating and aggravating factor in the getting-to-know you process. When you're on a date-date, you only have to worry about your own behavior. When you're on a play-date, you have to worry about how your kids are acting too. I don't know about any of the rest of you, but when I was dating I did not generally shove my companion in the chest when he said something I did not like, or snatch possessions out of his hand, or cry in the middle of the date. Let's just say that while Other Mommy and I got along well enough, Beth and little P-man were a different story. That whole sharing thing is just very, very difficult at this age. So conversation between Other Mommy and I went something like this:
Me: So you guys are from Idaho? What do you think of Oregon so far?
Other Mommy: Well, I'm really glad the weather was so nice for so long this fall. I think it helped the adjustment, because I hear most of the time it's really rainy.
Me: Yeah, it is pretty--Beth, no! Don't take that car from him! You need to SHARE.
Other Mommy: Hey! No hitting! We do not hit! In one more minute you need to give BETH a TURN.
We awkwardly contemplate our angry children glaring at each other.
Other Mommy: This so good for them.
Me: Yes, it is so good to give them a chance to learn to share.
So between the constant refereeing and the children fighting and the little ones (my girl, 5 months, and hers, 7 months) drooling all over the place and the slight uncomfortableness of the becoming-friends process anyway, it wasn't the funnest afternoon I've had all week. Which is also like being back in the single scene. Afterward you're reviewing it in your head: Did that go okay? Should I not have said that one thing? Did she like me or was she just being polite? Did she think my daughter was a bossy, possessive brat?
We'll see. I still think she's a nice lady and maybe if we have a chance we could get to be friends. If there is ever a second date.
So, after running into her at story hour and the playground multiple times and repeatedly saying how you ought to get together, you are bold and make the first move: you invite her and the kids over for a play date.
It was my first such event with a relative stranger. It's the first time in a long time I've been in the position to make a new friend, from scratch, as it were. All my other friends are from high school or college or church. Not just someone I met and thought I might have something in common with. But I'm trying to conquer my shyness, so I went ahead and did it.
There's a reason why they call it a play date. It really did feel like being back in the dating scene. You're both smiling a lot and trying to get to know each other and keep a good conversation rolling, and you're wondering what the other person thinks of you. Do I look okay? Is my house clean enough?
Except the kids are there too, which is quite a complicating and aggravating factor in the getting-to-know you process. When you're on a date-date, you only have to worry about your own behavior. When you're on a play-date, you have to worry about how your kids are acting too. I don't know about any of the rest of you, but when I was dating I did not generally shove my companion in the chest when he said something I did not like, or snatch possessions out of his hand, or cry in the middle of the date. Let's just say that while Other Mommy and I got along well enough, Beth and little P-man were a different story. That whole sharing thing is just very, very difficult at this age. So conversation between Other Mommy and I went something like this:
Me: So you guys are from Idaho? What do you think of Oregon so far?
Other Mommy: Well, I'm really glad the weather was so nice for so long this fall. I think it helped the adjustment, because I hear most of the time it's really rainy.
Me: Yeah, it is pretty--Beth, no! Don't take that car from him! You need to SHARE.
Other Mommy: Hey! No hitting! We do not hit! In one more minute you need to give BETH a TURN.
We awkwardly contemplate our angry children glaring at each other.
Other Mommy: This so good for them.
Me: Yes, it is so good to give them a chance to learn to share.
So between the constant refereeing and the children fighting and the little ones (my girl, 5 months, and hers, 7 months) drooling all over the place and the slight uncomfortableness of the becoming-friends process anyway, it wasn't the funnest afternoon I've had all week. Which is also like being back in the single scene. Afterward you're reviewing it in your head: Did that go okay? Should I not have said that one thing? Did she like me or was she just being polite? Did she think my daughter was a bossy, possessive brat?
We'll see. I still think she's a nice lady and maybe if we have a chance we could get to be friends. If there is ever a second date.
4 comments:
It IS like dating, which goes a long way toward explaining why I have been so unsuccessful with such meet-ups.
I hope that there is a next time for you and that the awkwardness dissipates!
Concentrated "Play dates" in the home are too much pressure. Better to plan a few outings with the kids until they get used to each other. Park, library, etc.
Good for you! I've had to be the initiator several times. It's hard, but good. Anon. makes a good point--meeting up at McD or something is sometimes good, too, but home playdates are alright.
Hi...my first time here. I'm also an Oregon blogger -- Portland -- and I came across your blog on the OrBlog site. I really enjoyed all your posts on the page but this one especially. It's so hard for any of us at any age to step out of our "comfort zone", especially when we're shy. I applaud your ability to do so. I agree with Anonymous as well...a 'neutral' spot might be a little easier next time. I'm a stay-at-home Grandma taking care of my 8-mo-old grandson. It's funny...in my younger years while raising my two kids, I had a big network of other mom friends. Now I'm pretty much on my own but at the age of 52, life is so much more slow-paced and mellow. Please stop by some time and say hello at my site...the door is always open!
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